i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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