he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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