Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
