I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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