we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
