Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
