I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
