Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
