I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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