Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
