You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
