that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
