We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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