Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
