I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
