I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
