ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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