Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
