they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
