and she was petting her beer can
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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