somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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