Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
two words...techno handjob
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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