The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
