I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
