I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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