so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
