his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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