If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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