R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
