dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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