I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
