I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
