i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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