sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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