Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
