I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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