she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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