i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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