I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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