i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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