you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
