Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
