So drunk its hurt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
