i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
