you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
