Plan B is the new Plan A
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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