I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i drank out of a bidet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
