4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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