you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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