It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
