I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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